we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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