I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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