in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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