A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
