If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
