I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
