Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
