i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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