You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
