I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
