I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
