So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
me + whiskey = a bad person
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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