next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
