I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
