Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
