You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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