The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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