i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
