you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
