Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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