my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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