She is in my trunk
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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