i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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