I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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