i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
