Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
