Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
