Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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