I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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