Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
