i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
There r osticjed everywhere
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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