I'm really into asian looking animals
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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