babies were throwing up all over the place
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
