His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Text me some of your sweat
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
