Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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