Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
