So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Randomize
