How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
