i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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