Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
