May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
