the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
