Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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