I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
