This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
