I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I want to fling myself into the sun
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
