I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
