He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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