Are we in a gay sports bar?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
