watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
My feet surprised me
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