we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
