My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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