Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Randomize
