Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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