I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
