He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
