It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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