This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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